All right Mike....I'm going to go for it and upload to Kindle! LOL!

After getting laid off back in February, I thought seriously about the writing. Unfortunately, with this economy and my knowledge of how tough it is to break into the romance writing industry I once again put my ultimate dream on the back burner. I've spent the past 5 months training for a new career. I've found tremendous success and even received a HUGE promotion this week. The success is coming at a cost though....and I will need to relocate in April. Relocation to Napa Valley, which all things considered isn't a bad thing. New adventures, new food for my writing.

But in the meantime....

My dear friends Mike and Candice have been nudging me to dust off the cobwebs on my first novel. It's not doing me any good sitting on my laptop as techno savvy Mike reminds me. He loves the new 'Kindle" technology from Amazon, so I'm going to go for it and upload my novel finally to the public.

My novel is erotic, and it's at times naughty, but it's also a fun escape from reality. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed it will appeal to a few. I know for myself, I love immersing myself into erotic writings to relax and take my mind off life's stresses for a moment in time.

So for anyone who does read "Diamonds & Decadence" I would absolutely love it if you will send me a short note after you read it with your feedback. What did and didn't you like about it? Would you be interested in more of my works in the future? I do have a couple stories outlined and have been thinking about getting back into writing again so feedback from my readers will really help me make sure I "wow" them. :)

Carpe Diem! Here I go!

OMG!!! Quick!...Go take a look at my 12/24/07 entry regarding abundant income, then come back.

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Oh goodness, I really haven't done much writing in the past year. I put the dream of being a best-selling romance author on the back burner. Sketched out the outlines to a couple new novels, but just mentally couldn't commit to writing them up for whatever lame reason. Yes, last year's sickness and death of my mom-in-law was a good excuse, but I admit...an excuse.

I decided to focus on my engineering career after receiving a few rejection letters. Damn it! I've been to the past two years of RWA conferences - you'd think the message would have sunk in! I know better. I know it requires me to not give up on the dream of becoming a writer. It takes writing each day and eventually I'll have a collection of works under my belt. This way, eventually, when I "make it" I'll have a whole juicy portfolio of work to offer a publisher. I've heard the best in the industry say this very thing to my face: Nora Roberts, Christina Dodd, Shelley Bradley, Debra Dixon, Julie Garwood...the best! I know better!

So right now I'm banging my head with a frying pan. Why? I just received notice I'm being laid off! Times are grim in the small tool industry....VERY grim. Thus, it looks like I've goofed up big time on my 12/24/07 blog entry. I wished for my friends, I wished for my family, but I forgot to include myself in that wish of "abundant income"!

Ahhh, but did I? Life has showed me so many numerous times things seem to happen for a reason. A career as a Quality and Test Manager takes SERIOUS brain power. Too much actually. All the technical reporting and focus has managed to suck the energy from me in my spare time and prevented me from pursuing my real passion....writing romances!

So maybe, just maybe...this lay off couldn't be coming at a better time and the best is yet to come this year? I can't wait to find out!

Another quote I stumbled across and just fell in love with:

What if you gave someone a gift,
and they neglected to thank you for it -
would you likely to give them another?
Life is the same way.
In order to attract more of the blessings
that life has to offer,
you must truly appreciate
what you already have. ~Ralph Marston

Such a "take time to smell the flowers" sentiment, isn't it? Love it! Really puts things in perspective...

I spent this morning in the local courthouse. Called in as a witness for a divorce proceeding. I kicked and fought the whole way.... Killed me to see this family being torn apart by selfishness and greed.
Our kids have grown up together but my girlfriend and I have grown apart....friends no longer, by my choosing. I lost complete respect for her. Unethical handling of family finances and property, belittling her husband in front of the kids, and blaming the kids for her own shitty problems.
Life isn't perfect. Love isn't perfect. But damnit!!! Why do women have kids if they won't commit to raising them in a home where both parents can contribute and nurture them?
So I spent 5 hours this morning and lunch with their 15 yr old daughter. She needed me as her only trusted adult friend. All the adults in her world are acting like spoiled immature brats. I listened to her, I cried with her, I comforted her, and I shared words to lift her up and give her strength. Tore my heart out to hear all the emotional crap her parents have burdened her with the past year. A child shouldn't have to deal with shit like this...
I hate to say it, but women can sometimes be such selfish bitches...

My babies are grown up. Hate to admit it, but I have two wonderful, responsible, charming young men now.

I was so fortunate last year. My oldest, Jonathan, wanted to take ballroom dance lessons and he was young enough not to mind taking lessons with me, his ol' Mom. (No way will hubby Byron go...haven't been able to talk him into it for anything!) After 8 months of weekly lessons J and I were pretty good together! My very best "mom" moment was when we went to the "Night in Vienna" ballroom event last spring. An evening of Viennese Waltz and Polka set to music performed by a huge live orchestra. It was an incredibly special night I'll never forget.

I'd love to continue the lessons, but he's now 15 and there's no chance he wants to be caught alive dancing with his Mom. Wayyyy not cool, lol! So, tomorrow evening he's starting up lessons again - teen ballroom with salsa, tango, waltz, and Charleston...but without his Mom as his partner.

Nope, I'll just sit there during the hour lesson and watch while my baby continues growing into the amazing man I know he'll become...

Each year Byron and I sit down and write out our goals out. Then we get together on the phone with our good friends in Georgia each New Years Eve to share our lists. It forces an element of much needed accountability to stay on track. Yeah, it's anal...but it works like a charm! As I look back over the past 8 years of lists it's pretty damn impressive what we've been able to accomplish just because we consciously made a plan, wrote it down, and committed to it.

Stuff for self improvement, stuff for "us" improvement, stuff for the home, stuff for the family. Not too many things, but enough to give us some sort of direction for each new year. I print it out with some fancy graphics and post in in our Master bathroom so we are forced to give it a glance every day.

There was something I read on a daily inspirational calendar awhile back that I loved and have made it my "theme" for the this and last year. I struggled with it BIG time last year...it's not an easy theme to live by. And I more than likely will fall ridiculously short this year too. But I figure if I keep it in the conscious fore front ....slowly, I'll keep chipping away at all the closed doors, and self-imposed impediments until eventually...I'll get to the point of living out my theme with complete satisfaction.

My theme: Be a real person who lives fully, loves deeply, gives totally, and enjoys life immensely.

Seems simple enough on the surface....but it's a REALLY tough goal to achieve!

Tough goals are good even if you don't achieve them...roll 'em to the next year. I find eventually...even a few years later, they get achieved. And heck...it provides a spicy challenge to make life more interesting. :)

How do you know you have a true friend? This was tested recently. I find with my closest friends, male or female, we're able to cut through the defensiveness, cut through the bullshit, and open our deepest souls to each other without worry about inflaming or hurting each other. We agree to disagree. Openness, complete openness ...is the key to a solid long-lasting friendship.

I have a dear friend who shared some terrific news recently. After years and years of struggling, good fortune is finally smiling upon them. She swears thinking, "stable, abundant income" helped. She has a friend who put that phrase on a business card in her pocket and her husband has stayed employed even through dept. layoffs, a first! Another friend of hers sold her house 2 weeks before foreclosure.

Hmm...to consider the power of positive thinking. It can't hurt.

So for a Christmas wish I think I'll wish for this....stable, abundant income for all my friends and family! :)

Facing the circle of life this week. Depth of emotion overdrive. As my mom-in-law always said, "Growing old is not for sissy's or the weak of heart." So ironic this lovely women lived to the age of 78 after having open heart surgery at the age of 30. Proof that love alone, freely given, gives one the strength of a thousand men.

Yet another example of why I take time to smell the flowers, exercise my ass off to stay healthy, and appreciate every little nuance of every moment in life to its fullest.

Life IS too short...

Facing the death of a loved one once again, I am reminded of a few comforting words I learned a couple decades ago which always give me strength and perspective.

Life is of a love which flows gently through our hearts.

Without experiencing death, one cannot comprehend how Life is Love, and Love is Life.

To my mother in law: You'll soon be home. Your strength, faith, and convictions have inspired me greatly. It's been an honor and a privilege to be the daughter you never had. I love you Mom and your love will always flow within me.

post script: One hour after writing this, we got "the call". Yes, somehow....I "just knew". Thank God the extreme pain this sweet woman endured for years is over. She's gone, but never forgotten....her love lives on in the hearts and souls of those who love her.

Oooo! Anais Nin's work is amazing. Here's an exerpt that says so much!

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
-Anais Nin

I love this time of year! I realize now I could never appreciate the changing of seasons while living in Southern California. Living in Oregon for the past seventeen years sure has changed my perspective. I've grown to enjoy the beauty in the color of a simple leaf. The transformation from green to rich gold and crimson shades is spectacular. The sunny crispness of the air begs for a quick stroll in the local park today. A great idea for breathing fresh ideas into this writer's mind!

I love this time of year! I realize now I could never appreciate the changing of seasons while living in Southern California. Living in Oregon for the past seventeen years sure has changed my perspective. I've grown to enjoy the beauty in the color of a simple leaf. The transformation from green to rich gold and crimson shades is spectacular. The sunny crispness of the air begs for a quick stroll in the local park today. A great idea for breathing fresh ideas into this writer's mind!

It's been a busy past month. After attending the RWA conference in Dallas last month, I've been writing diligently to rework a few sections of "Diamonds & Decadence" before sending to the publisher. I'm bouncing off the walls with glee right now! I'm finally finished with the rewrite and the polishing touches on my website!

Oh the website... I know I could pay someone to do it for me, but I think it's the engineer in me - I love to tinker! There are still a few areas I'd like to tweak, but all in all I'm still enjoying the look and feel of it. I only hope now my readers will too.

No rest for the weary. Now it's time to start the character sketches and outlines for books #2 and #3. I can't wait to dig in. After two years on the last one, I've learned so much about the craft and art of writing romance it will be fun (and much faster) writing future works. ;)

I'm a member of the RWA Chapter "Passionate Ink". Here are some excerpts from my "soapbox" discussion on the perception of the erotic romance genre of writing:

There is obvious frustration by ER writers wanting to be taken seriously. I love reading the proactive dialogue and know it will continue. After all, we share a passion for writing of all things passionate in this forum.

With members like Angela (Knight) taking the proactive stance and writing books to educate as well as considering a position on the board to support the genre of ER the misguided perceptions will dissipate. It just takes patience and perseverance on all our parts.

How do I ever thank my friends Mike and Candice Lange for their help in bringing this web site to life? Mike only did this little creative task as a friend. (Website design is not his usual business). He's actually an incredible programmer and I owe him so much for spending the past two nights with me working on formatting the style of my site. It cost me hours of back massages while he worked on it, but I think you'll agree - the effort was well worth it. THANKS Mike! :)

Amateur Alert! I created the design for the header. (Hot isn't it? ;) Mike recruited his artistic whiz brother Steven to shrink the header and "make it sexy" for the web and I think he did an incredible job. I LOVE my site!

Thanks again Lange family for everything.

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Candice also has a site! You can find her at: http://www.candicelange.com

Mike and Candice's son, Corey, has cerebral palsy and Candice has put together a wealth of information and resources for anyone who must face the challenges of caring for a special needs child. I love you Candice.